I’d like to share a little About Me and my Family
My name is Debbie Tom!
My first marriage occurred when I was very, very young and didn’t end soon enough. I was in an extremely abusive relationship, and I thank God and some other very amazing people for helping me break free.
My second husband died very sadly; while driving home from work, he had a fatal heart attack.
I lost both my parents not very long ago in a very tragic way. In my mind, they were murdered. The official way they died was a murder-suicide; I have yet to come to terms with this. You may read a little about their death here. My children and I are in therapy to help us to come to terms with what has happened. My official diagnosis is severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
I am a nurse that is staying at home right now to care for our rambunctious brood and get them to all of their activities.
I am a Christian that attended Kahului Baptist Church from the time I was a little girl until just a couple of years ago when we moved from Maui to Oahu. I am a devoted Christian that has lost some faith many times throughout my diversity. Somehow God never left my side, and even in the depths of my darkest hours, I had that little mustard seed of faith. The one my grandparents would tell me never to lose. I believe in and support everyone’s faith or lack of faith. Our differences are the things I find most beautiful about mankind. I believe we are all in this together, and we need to support and welcome our differences.
Heartbeats Soul Stains is a place I’d like to share my thoughts and experiences on being a woman, mother, friend, and survivor of many different obstacles, challenges, and tragedies.
I will share the good, the bad, and the oh so ugly things that happen in a family our size. Life is hard for all of us; we all have those crosses to carry. Life is also very beautiful and precious, and I am determined never to take the amazing blessing I have been given for granted.
Now that I’ve shared a little about myself, I would love to learn more about you!
Hi Debbie, Thank you for sharing so much in your about page. My heart was aching so much for you and I’m happy to hear that you’re married to a wonderful man. Oh my goodness…a mother of 7!!! You are such a strong woman…I’m looking forward to hearing more from you and your life.
I lived on Oahu for 4 years and there is a part of my heart that will always be there.
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Josephine, thank you for your kind words. They truly mean so much to me. I’m not sure if I’m strong but I am definitely a fighter and survivor.
Where on Oahu did you live? My heart was always on Maui, but after only 2 years here I can’t imagine living back on Maui again. Growing up I would come to visit Oahu and always thought it was such a crowded ugly island. I was totally wrong. I have never seen more beauty then Kaneohe and Kailua. Amazing!
Thank you so much for stopping by. I plan to write about my parents death, my psychologist thinks it will help me to heal. I hope you will come back and read about them.
Debbie
The first step in healing is waking up in the morning each day…one step at a time. Much aloha to you.
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Hi Joshephine, Thank you for your support. Your encouraging words come just when needed. I love hearing from you. By the way, as you know we don’t wear shoes in the house either 😉
Debbie,
I visited Oahu once and it truly is beautiful. Your story has many of the same chapters as mine. I too have been married 3 times. When I was 19 just to get out of the house of over-bearing parents. Quick marraige to a great older man who was really like an uncle not a husband. Divorced while pregnant- one child.
Two years later I married my heart throb gorgeous husband. We had just finished child-birth classes and I was expecting my 3rd child when he was killed in a car accident. I just wanted to die but I had children and a baby to deliver in 6 weeks.
Gray lonely numb chapter in my life when in desperation I called out to God to take my life and make something out of it! Enter Jesus Christ!
I was truly born-again! LIfe was everything but easy for me for me but my faith grew and I found peace in my life. Two years after the accident I married a wonderful Christian man with 4 children. Everything but the Brady Bunch. We have one child together, 8 children we raised. We celebrated our 31 wedding anniversary this year. It was never easy but we have built a wonderful family through hard work and perseverance!
Life is full of tragedy but also hope! 5 years ago our 29 year old son died of an accidental overdose. I have spent the last 5 years trying to keep that hope alive and re-kindle the faith fire that once burned so brightly. I never wanted to leave the faith but have had to really struggle with it, I have come to realize that now I truly do walk by faith believing God holds all things in His hands. We shall overcome! Everyday a blessing and opportunity to show His Love to others. Blessings to you. Sorry so long.
Peggy
Hi Peggy,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. You are a remarkable woman and christian. Your story of courage and strength is really inspiring to me. I still struggle daily. I’m not sure if it will always be like this, but it’s where I’m at.
Hearing from you has been such a blessing, I have reread your comment over and over again and am at a loss of words.
God Bless you,
Debbie
Gosh you have been through a lot. You must have a very strong faith. Thanks for your encouraging comment on my blog.
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Thank you Heather, I’m not sure if my faith is always strong but it is always at least there a little bit. Thank you for stopping by and encouraging me 🙂
So glad that I found your site, when you were kind enough to connect through BloggyMoms. Beautiful story of strength and motherhood! God Bless you and your family!
HI Jennifer, thank you for coming by and for your kind words, they are very encouraging.
God bless you and your family 🙂
Debbie
HI Jennifer
thank you for coming by and for your kind words, they are very encouraging.
God bless you and your family 🙂
Debbie
So sorry for your losses. You must be a very strong person to have gotten thru all of that tragedy. Lots of love from #sitsblogging
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Hi Colette,Thank you! My faith and my children’s love has gotten me through so very much.
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You are a strong woman. My mother suffers from PTSD. It’s so hard… especially while raising children, let alone 7! You can do it and your children are lucky to have you. Much love from SITS.
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Thank you! PTSD is so hard and so many people don’t understand it. I pray your mother has a good support system. Thank you for the SITS love.
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xo
Katherine you are such a dear bloggy friend 🙂
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What an amazing journey you have! I found your blog on Turn it up Tuesdays and I am now following you 🙂
Cathy
Hi Cathy, thank you for coming by and reading our story.
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Hi April, yes you can use an electric hand mixer, the egg white will not go as &#&1y6;dr28#8217; as with a stand mixer so just beat them until they are stiff and then continue to beat for a couple more minutes.
You are an amazing woman Debbie! I am so thankful that we have been brought together through “Contributing Angels” and I look forward to getting to know you better.
Angie
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Angie, I’m so happy we’ve been brought together! What a wonderful idea Angel had. Thank you for your kind words, they do really mean so much to me.
Hi Debbie
I just found your blog through the #mommyreality challenge. You have endured a lot, yet show amazing strength and spirit. I look forward to your future posts!
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Hi Susan, thank you for your kind words 🙂 I really do appreciate them. Isn’t the mommy reality challenge fun! I can’t wait to see what is in store for us next.
Debbie I hope you find the strength in yourself to heal! I already admire you for having the strength to write about it in such an open fashion!
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Thank you Menucha, your words are strengthening.
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Hi Debbie,
I just stumbled upon this while on Linked In. I think I know you from Maui but I’m terrible with names. Did you work at Maui Memorial at one time? Did you teach at Kahului Baptist pre-school? Thanks for sharing your story. I attend Pukalani Baptist since I live in Kula now. Use to attend Valley Isle Fellowship and Rejoice prior to that, but I’ve also attended Kahului Baptist every now and then.
Hi Marny, I’m sure you are the Marny I know. I lived up above you on crater road. My oldest daughter knows your daughter and then my middle daughter and your daughter were in girl scouts together. I was Dr. Clark’s Nurse for years. I hope this is you. If you could go to my contact page so you can email me 🙂
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This is so sad. It sounds like you are in a good place now.
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Hi Joyce, thank you for reading our story! Yes, we are in a better place now.
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Thank you for your service as a nurse that is not an easy task. I am so sorry about your loss. You have endured allot of pain and I admire your strength. It is not easy being a single parent and having to deal with the loss of a loved one. I will to continue to keep you and your family in my prayers as I ask the Most High to give you a peace that will surpass all understanding. I ask that he will continue to give you strength and shower you and you family with his favor. I ask that no weapon be formed against you and your family will prosper and that he will hide you and your family under the shadows of his wings directing your path in every aspect of your life. I came on this blog to enter a sweepstake and now that I have read your story you have really touched me. Thank you for sharing your story with the world. As you have just touched me I know your story will touch others. Sending you peace love and protection to from one mother to another <3
I am truly sorry for your loss. I do believe God will guide you and be there for you during this hardship and I will say a prayer for you and your family as well. Take care and hang in there.
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MY ONE AND ONLY MARRIAGE WAS ALSO VERY ABUSIVE. I NEVER REALLY LOST MY FAITH. I DID TURN MY BACK ON GOD MANY TIMES. GOD NEVER TURNED HIS BACK ON ME. I HAVE BEEN THROUGH MANY THINGS TOO BUT IT HAS MADE ME STRONGER. I ALSO WAS RAISED IN THE BAPTIST FAITH. THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR STORY. MY MARRIAGE ENDED 35 YEARS AGO AND HERE I AM A SURVIVOR AND A GRATEFUL FOLLOWER OF JESUS CHRIST WHO HAS GIVEN ME PEACE AND CONTENTMENT IN MY LIFE.
Dear Debbie,
I read your story about why you have PTSD and depression, and I am so very sorry you had to go through that type of trauma. Although I can’t imagine what your trauma must have been like, I do understand suffering from PTSD and depression from severe trauma. I too have found my only relief from this torment is the saving Grace of our Savior Jesus Christ and His abiding Love and Comfort. I have literally felt I was in the depths of hell with no way out – just the darkest, isolated place a human being can be. Completely alone in my mind with literally noone on earth I could talk to, because everyone that I trusted would be wounded by discussing my issues. That’s when I cried out to Him and, it wasn’t the first time in my life I knew Him as my Savior, but it was the first time in my life that I realized that I can’t rely on people to be there for me. Some may say, “Not my family. We are close…etc.”, but you haven’t had something so horrible happen that your family members get to the point that they almost despise you for calling the trauma to their attention by needing their support. Now I realize I had to go through that to get to where I am in my relationship with God today. You see, as long as I relied so much on people, I wasn’t relying on Him. Now, dont get me wrong, I love my family and we are close; but, Debbie, I also relate to avoidance because I also did a lot of that. I finally did what you are beginning to do now, and what I am in the process of. I started facing the reality of what happened without allowing myself to regress back to where I was emotionally right after it occurred – which ain’t easy lol. I guess I should stop before I begin rambling – which I hope hasn’t already started lol. Please feel free to friend me on fb if you would like. I will continue to follow your blog. May God continue to be with you and put His arms around you in His everlasting embrace. I hope you don’t mind if I leave you one of my favorite scripture:
“Behold, it was for my peace that I had intense bitterness. But you have loved me back from the pit of corruption and despair. You have cast all my sins behind Your back.”
Isaiah 38 : 17
Warmest Regards,
Sherry
I am so sorry about the tragic death of your parents and the death of your second husband. That in itself is too much on even the strongest of people. Then, the abusive relationship at a young age is a lot also but thankful you got out while you were young and before it ended up totally affecting you physically, mentally, and emotionally for so many years (like 30 years for me) that you lose yourself, your children are affected, and you end up with what I believe I have – the PTSD. I have yet to be diagnosed with this but am going to ask on my next visit for I have the symptoms. I was uneducated and had only worked from the home for 10 years our last 10 together and by this time I had 3 back surgeries, chronic pain, and COPD. I let an education and career pass me by for him and the kids but was not appreciated, for sure! Also, after 20 years, I did stop loving him and should have left then before I let the boss take advantage of my vulnerability and only made matters much worse and then it was nothing but lies and using me from him too. He also did something else he got away with the past 10 years and hope the truth is revealed one day. Anyway, after 30, I finally gained the courage to leave and finally got my GED and then enrolled in school. I have had obstacles and struggles but trying to get through the best I can in the hopes to be able to get off disability and back to work with a degree in Social Work. I believe your children is what have helped you find strength. I seemed to be a much stronger lady when I was raising kids-they kept me so busy and I only have three. I am gaining strength in my faith and like you, I have held onto my faith and at times it has felt like a little mustard seed but has been there. God is first in my life and drawing closer to him each day! God Bless You and your family! I will be praying for all of your family! Thank you for your blogs!
We have so much in common it is amazing. I am also a nurse and have had many tragedies in my life. I lost two brothers, one 18 and one 35. My parents were both still young when they passed but it was from medical reasons. They were 58 and 60. My biggest tragedy was losing my son when he was 25. A lady hit him on his motorcycle because she was in a hurry and she was messing with her child when she pulled out on him. I am currently helping my son raise his two children, 5 and 7, as he is divorced and has custody of them. My life sure hasn’t been what I expected but God has seen me through. I am currently suffering from anxiety and depression but part of it is from my fibromyalgia. I will be praying for you. God has a plan for all of us. Keep the faith
Debbie,
You have had hard life, but you are surviving. Keep trusting God and he will help you through it.
Cristy
I know I commented here but I will again. I have enjoyed your newsletters and your blog. I just wanted you to know that.
Hi Debbie, thank you for sharing your story! It makes me believe that healing and triumphing is possible even in the most difficult circumstances. You and your family have demonstrated strength and resilience! I’ve suffered some pretty hard times (severe depression and agoraphobia), but I try and try to get through one day at a time! I will be visiting your blog often because I know I can learn from you! Thank you so much!
Thanks so much for sharing your life with us! You really have been through some very tough times and you came through! I guess I shouldn’t feel the way I do about things because they aren’t like yours. I have just been so depressed for such a long time now and I just can’t shake it off! I am on medication for it, but I really don’t think it helps much. I want to move to another state away from my family (meaning mother, father & sisters). My little sister disowned me way back in 2005 because she didn’t get a ticket to my oldest daughter’s graduation ceremony. She told me that the whole family hates me and I’m the black sheep of the family. She said that everyone hates it when they have to invite me to parties at their houses as well. She left it as “I no longer have a big sister and you are dead to me”. I’ve tried so many times to reconcile and she won’t have it. My husband tried just this past Easter and she said she’s never been happier with me out of her life. She does not think of me or care about me. She told my husband that she is not coming around and has no plans to change her mind so he should not try it again. My middle sister is close with my youngest sister and they hang out and go places all the time. Every time there is a holiday and my middle sister has dinner, Me and my family are never invited. I’ve spoken to my mother and she will not intervene and said for me to live my life and not worry about them! She’s been funny as well. We used to be close and do things all the time and talk almost every night. Lately I don’t talk to her for days and sometimes weeks! She never asks me to go do things anymore either. I just feel like I’ve lost my entire family! I hate it! Then with the surgeries my husband had last summer, we are broke. That’s got me down as well! Last Christmas was just horrible! We had no money for gifts for anyone even my kids! It was such a terribly depressing time. I have no friends to do things with either. Oh well, I know there is nothing I can do to change my family, however, I just wish I lived far away from them and then maybe I can handle not seeing them better. Thanks again for sharing your story with us. I do appreciate it very much! Hang in there! Thanks, Michele 🙂
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Thank you for sharing this about yourself. I really don’t like talking about things like this. I have been in many bad relationships and it is very hard for me to share anything about myself because I have come to the conclusion that most people use information like that to hurt me and for this reason I don’t have any friends and pretty much only talk to my mom and my husband. I am bipolar and I am also suffering from chronic pain/fatigue which is another reason I don’t have any friends because that makes it hard for me to make plans. I have 3 cats, one dog and one bunny.
WOW you have been through some very heart breaking things, and some I would say you never get over but it does get better, I almost committed suicide, not by choice, but my mind finely snapped with the amount of pain I was in, I wrecked my back at work and had to fight that, but sometimes if they cant see the pain they don’t want to treat it, I had been in this state of unbearable pain for almost two years, and I new I was in trouble, so I checked into a hospital, but they did not have room for me, so they put me in this basement type room with no windows, I have fought with depression all my life but went untreated when I was young, as my mother only took herself to the Doctor. but I am also clast phobic, and don’t do well in small spaces with no windows, they were still not controlling the pain and I had taken a shower and any movement set off the pain more, and my mind snapped, I don’t even remember doing it but I guess when they brought the lunch tray in, I had grabbed the plastic spoon and broke it in half and I was digging my wrist out when the Doctor walked in and saved my life, I always thought that people had a choice, but I learned that day that sometimes its not a choice but a broken mind that sends you over the edge, I am 52 know and dying but I know GOD gave me last year and I pray for more, death does not scare me as I know I am going home to Jesus, but I want to see my grand children grow up, I don’t think I will be able to, but then we just don’t know what GOD will give us, I am so sorry you had to go through that, I grew up with alcohol and violence in the home, and when I got big enough I ran away all the time because I could not handle it, life is so hard, and you just have to lean on Jesus or you will never make it whole, he is wright there waiting, it makes me mad when I hear people take a life with them, I find it selfish to do so, I have know a lot of young kids that has committed suicide and it is always alcohol involved, and it is sad, but we have a forgiving GOD and it gives me comfort to know they are with him, may GOD help you and your family heal and learn to live with such a tragedy, I wish there was Hine sight and we could see things and stop them, but we can not, but please start living your life and enjoy every minute you have with your children, because you never know when GOD will say its time to come home, it has taken me a very long time to forgive a mother that does not love me and my little sister but loves her other three children, me and my youngest were dads favorites because we were the tom boys, but my dads been gone from a nurse over dosing him with chemo and killed him in one month when he was over coming all odds and beating three primary cancers, yah I know tragedy and I have learned to give it to GOD and lean on him in my weak moments. may GOD bless you and your family.
It is amazing how strong we can be. I also went thru an abusive relationship, I made the mistake of staying 23 years. For the kids and myself, I should have left many years earlier. My dad had a massive stroke, and while he was in the hospital my mom collapsed. Things got really ugly, I was accused of elderly abuse, which I was cleared of all charges, but it hurt deeply. I forgave, but it drove a trench thru family relationships. At that point I ended up homeless, and pennyless, but God met my needs, and provided a place to live, a job. Thru it all I met my soulmate. We have been together now for 10 years. He is more of a father to my children than their biological father ever was. He listens, and he cares, and he loves them as his own.
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Debbie,
I found your site because you followed us on twitter and was curious. Your site is truly a gem and I applaud how transparent you about what you’ve gone through. I congratulate you and wish all the best for continued healing and success. Happy holidays and best for 2017!
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Hi Debbie, I really thank our Lord that made you to survive all these tragedy. Indeed it was terrible but in all you were more than conquerors in Christ Jesus. May His mercies and grace continue to keep you and your family. I have not actually seen the fullest of life as i’m just coming up but I have learnt to stay strong and keep my faith from you no matter the circumstances. God help everyone of us to survive this world.
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